Dazed & Confused

imagine walking along the street. chillin' just enjoying the beautiful weather. the cold, soft air gently brushes your hair. the zooming of the car brings a big chill down your spine.. aaahhhh the nice breeze. but then...

KABOOM! when you least expect it, the worst happens. you were caught off guard when out of nowhere something hits you and knocks you down. then.......you black out........ what happened? where am i?...

life.

Real World

thought i should post a quick blog update. so as you guys now, life's been rough for me at the moment. fuckin' struggling with drama, school, friends, family, everything. ugggghh but the good thing is that i'm learning more and more every single day. about myself and everyone. i'm really trying to take a step back and view everything from the outside. i don't want to be involved in the drama and just want to observe and learn. and i really am learning and i'm growing stronger each day. there's a lot of stuff i want to say to some people but it's best to not. haha. whatever. just right now floating along the waves of high school & life. i've never been this stressed and wanting to run away this bad ever. like i feel like running away from everything a lot of the time. sometimes everything is soo overwhelming i can't hold it and end up crying. freakin' embarrassing. haha. but don't worry. i'll be okay. i'm becoming stronger as a person. but thanks for all your support (ya'll know who ya aaare!). okay well i'll blog again later.

-Jenny

"what is real?"

The Place.

I want to go to a place. Where you wouldn't have any worries. No drama. No anything. A place where you wouldn't have to worry about what other people think about you. Everyone looks at you like everyone else. You're not looked at differently. A place where you can be yourself. A happy place. No hurting everyday. No secretly crying everyday. No putting on a brave face. No hurting other people. A place where you can do anything you want. Everyone is happy. No worrying about coming home every single day to your parents' constant yelling. A heaven of some sort. A place where you feel wanted. Loved. Cared for. A place of no hate. No bullshit. No hurting. No worrying of your past and all the shit you have done. A place to start on a clean slate. But...where?

Goodbye.

-------------
I guess I had it coming. I never should have tried. Sucks but what can I do. My karma...hope you're happy. Because you are sure as hell lucky. YOU HAVE IT ALL.

-Jenny

Better said than done..

uggh i wish life was easier...

so.. i'm GROUNDED. it sucks. i came home late from hanging out with my cousins and my mom grounded me. what the eff. so she took my car keys and now i can't drive anywhere for awhile =X boooo. haha but its okay. it gives me a reason to start doing my homework/summer projects. fuuuuuuu i tried doing ap bio.. i couldn't even make it to the second page cuz it was soooooo boring and i didn't wanna read. then i was like "okay i should try ap cal" fuckin same thing. haha shit is sooo boringgggg man i can't even handle a few pages, and i'm boutta be in this shit for a year or something! UGH i hate ap haha..

i'll blog lataaah bye!

Single Update.

Yaaah, I read my other blog on the Status: Single. I forgot to mention to you guys that he broke up with me last Friday. Haha! But I'm great now.

<33333 yall.

-jennnnnerrin.

IM SO HUNGOVER.

sike. but i watched the hangover and that was hella funny. if you liked pineapple express you'll like the hangover. the comedic approach is pretty the same but they're both funny in their own way. but the hangover was hella good, go watch it. haha.

thanks to a lot of people's advice! you guys really help :) glad that you guys are my friends. you know who you guys are!

update: had fun today. :)

soooo, every day i'm learning more about myself. i feel like life is a test. your faced with challenges every single day and you have to figure out on your own how to get through them. its cool and i'm leaning towards independence. yippee. hahahah.

-jenn

I have a mind of my own.

Ugh, summer is boring! regine left me yesterday. haha. so i'm trying to keep myself occupado, guitar hero somewhat helps. what else is there to talk about? uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, i need to get out of the house. soon. please. haha. its getting boring in here. i feel like i'm like patrick star in his little boulder rock thingy. where's the krusty krab?!?


"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when their right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust noone but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together." Marilyn Monroe

$1,000,000 in maah pocket

Me: What's 5Q + 5Q?
You: 10 Q?
Me: YOUR WELCOME!

hahaha. well i remember when matt and i went to yo's and i told him the joke and he's like "it's not 10Q, it's 10 Q Squared!!" and we went to this whole math debate for an hour that its 10Q not 10Q squared. dummy.

i have a feeling today will be a good day. and the next weeks.

Mood: GOOODAH.

-jenn

I.. had a dream.

I just woke up abruptly just now. here's how it went:

I went to disneyland (yay, right?). it was me, Regine, and Matt. we were chillin' yannoee, riding hella rides and shit. and it was hellaaaaa fun. we even rode space mountain how many times (haha, in my dreams though). and then... jordan came outta nowhere. but he wasn't alone. he was with this one girl, who happens to be my friend in real life. it seemed soooo real like i felt like this was really happening. i came over to ask him whatsup and our status or whatever. he says he loves her more than me and that he never wants to see me again. he walks hand in hand with his new girl into the sunset and i'm left sitting on that bench.

the end.

Happy anniversary?

What a bad day.

woke up and felt like shiiiiiiit. i woke up at 6 and stayed up till 7. and really didnt wanna go to school. i told my dad i didn't feel good. so then i slept till 10:30. ha, i really don't care about ap chem anymore cuz that class is hella dumb. presenting a problem that you didn't even teach us. and i didn't wanna be bored for 2 1/2 hours of that class when i can't even stand an hour of it. even though i heard the brownie fairy was thereeee, it wasn't worth it. haha. so then i played some rollercoaster tycoon. got ready at 2, and travelled around town. i went to target and bought stuff, walmart, etc. next thing you know its 5 and a few texts lead to yadayada and i couldn't think anymore. so i went driving everywhere for like 2 hours and it works to take your mind away from things yannoe? its good to drive with the sunroof open and the great music blaaastin. you should try it! so i get home and watch twilighttt. yayuh. and i guess this therapy of mines is working.

ha, such a boring blog but nothing really spectacular happened today. i would say "i can't way till tomorrow" but i actually can. there's nothing to look forward to in summer so...yeah. but i guess i don't have to worry about school anymore after tomorrow. yay? last day!!! i wonder what my plans will be. or shall i wing it?

p.s. i hate let-down promises & things that were supposed to happen to not happen. -_-

hope something good happens tomorrow.

-jenny

Status: Single.

ugghh haven't blogged in hella long. haha sharing a notebook w/regine & mattt dass why. ugh so much stuff happened that i can't even write it. but i guess i'll just say what happened today:

went to school.
pre calculus finals were hard :( i know i failed though. and english finals were fun. i'm glad i got over and done with my multimedia video project *phew*. i hope it was good to all you viewers out there. ms. hill made us sing karaoke. she made me sing this boyfriend song, weird. it was fun. a good way to end the ms. hill years :( i'm actually gonna miss it. i can't believe i said that. but i am. it was funnnnnn. so honors sucks, but ap gets funner.

later on in the dayyyyyyy, shit happens. like things have beeen feeling weird in the relationship. i approached jordan and he says he's been wanting a break for awhile. i'm skeptical about the idea but i mean, whatever makes him happy yannoe? just when you think things were good, you never know when things might landslide for the worse. keep that in mind peoples. so later like an hour ago, we talked again more in depth. gettin ready for this ssshiieet. but yeah. so i'm single right now. we agreed to not see other people (sorry fellurs). but its like we're together but we're not. but we're callin' it single. ugh, there's more details but i prefer not to go in depth.

happy anniversary tomorrow, though.

-jenn

SO I GOT A FLAT TIRE.

saturday, may 9, 2009.

happy monthaversary! wow, too many already.
so saturday was the vallejo band review. psyched and evverrrythang and we perform. did pretty good in marching, but drumline was a dirty mofunna. its okay though, cuz we woulda gotten 2nd to vanden (vanden?!!? !Q@#$%@) haha jk.

sooooooo after, my mom, me and my auntie planned to go to those glen cove community garage sale to look for a car. went to this one house and i saw one and we pulled over and inspected it. and it was already like 2 o'clock. we inspected it and we really liked it but we couldn't buy it until my daddy's approval and he got out at 6. it was a 1995 nissan 240sx. wasn't very known about it until i did some researching when i got home ("super rare car...", "..very fun to drive...", "buy it now!!!!!"). so before i got home, we were leaving at around 3. i was driving and then i get to these bumpy ass roads in front of the cemetary and then BOOM!!! *hisssssssssss*. my mom was panicking telling me to pull over, so i pulled over into the cemetary parking lot for that chapel thing. we saw that the back right tire was flat. CRAAAP. none of us knew how to fix a tire, so i tried first. i was so clueless but then i got the hang of it after awhile. (put the jack up, remove those screw thaangs, replace the tire) pretty simple. and it took MYSELF 15 minutes. YAYUHH i was soo proud of myself, like hella accomplished. haha here's pics:


so i get back to vallejo hs and awards come.................... and the city of vallejo's mayors trophy award goes to:

JESSSSE BETHEL!!!!

yay!!!! finally. haha, swoooped on the other schools though. :)
called my mom up to tell her the news, and found news that we got the car! we were like 4th in line but luckily we snagged it first cuz the other people were like "oh we'll call you later."

then a little after party at jaybee's :) videos on my youtube. me and matt made a guard show! hahaha.

okay so.. flat tire --> mayor's trophy --> new car --> fun-ass after party
wow, life is good.

4/20

happy birthday, brandon!!!!

and happy 420 errbody. that's all i gotta say. :P
i'll post later but chyeaa

BAAAAAAAAAP*

fudgesicle sticks. haha.

so me and jordan wanted some strawberry banana smoothies today. had strawberries today, missing the vanilla ice cream and bananas. got the ice cream. went to safeway, and I HIT A FREAKIN' CAR. 3 people saw. and jordan was like "getttt the f**k outa here". haha so i drove off and didn't get the bananas. :( the first time i've hit a car during my driving life (1 and more than a half years so far.) greeaaaaaaaat.

strawberrry BANANA smoothies ruin my life.

Bella gives birth! :)

safely and perfectly... sort of.

craziest story of her freakin' pupppy delivery and a long ass one too! brace yourselves:

let me break it down fa ya. i've been sleeping in my bro's room cuz we're trying to fix my room. so i sleep on the floor on this extra matress. and he sleeps on his bed. the dogs sleep with me sometimes and maria's in the philippines, so we're babysitting her doggy. so i'm sleeping last night with all three, and i freakin' woke up at 5:30am because bella kept trying to go underneath the bed and shit. waited till daddy came home at 6:00am and got her asssssss outta there cuz i know she was doing her "nesting" instincts, meaning her pups were gonna come out soon. so i stuff that shit with hella shoe boxes so she won't go in there. so i wake up at like 9-10am and then she was sleeping at the foot of my bed and i saw that it was wet like she peed down there i was like "oh heeeo nah". and then i thought it was nothing. jordan called me at 12 and wanted to hang out, so i pick him up, go to the library and rent v for vendetta & gots me hecka puppy books, and pick up slurpees. come home and check on bella in my broha's room, actin normal as usual and i drop off my keys on my bro's desk. went to watch the movie in the living room and the disk did not work no matter what we did. so 10 minutes later, me and jordan were about to leave to get a different dvd since there was like 7 other ones at the library. i realized i forgot my keys when i was about to go out the door. i go to my brother's room and i hear bella trying to go under the bed again, scratching at the shoeboxes. so i try to pull her out and i see the floor is like wet and i look at her vagina and there's a little black bubble peeping out and i start freakin' out and realize she's going through labor already! hahaha.

take her to my bed and tell jordan to get me this, that, this, that. and bella hella quickly pushes out that first puppy. and oh lordy was i like "oooohh shit." my heart was beating and i was hecka not ready for this. the first pup comes out at 2:15pm and actually it was such a struggle. it was out and everything but the umbilical cord was still attached and it was still attached to bella at the same time, and me and jordan were calling people on what to do. cuz bella was trying to sleep when i tried to wake her up since she was exhausted. so she couldn't bite off the umbilical cord. after hella phone calls, i just lift up the pup and show bella, and i put the umbilical cord in her mouth so she can chew it off. and she finally did after how long... and while that was going on, another freakin' head was poppin out at the same time, adding to the already stress of her still being connected. baby #1 looks just like bella, except dark brown spots instead of light brown, and has the spots in the same places. :) itssss a boy!




next baby comes out at 2:35pm, looks just like bandit, another boy.


next at 3:15, the harry potter.


4th at 3:50pm all boys so far. so bella acts like she's done, tries to sleep and watnot.




so me and jordan try to watch v for vendetta on my tv and it works. so we watch.. and watch.. then bella starts squirming and tries to get up when her pups are still latched on. and i see that she's having contractions again and i move all the other puppies and out comes the fifth one...........and its a girl :) finally. we were hoping on that one. she looks like bandit too except a gray/brown kinda color.

so thats the story of bella's delivery. stressful, surprising, amazing. watching the miracle of lifeeeeee. aw, i wasn't expecting those puppies that soon. i knew her delivery was supposd to be yesterday but damn. if i never heard bella scratchin under the bed, i probably would not have been there for the first puppy cuz i woulda left. crazy right? haha. but yeah, you're awesome if you read this :)

"Wake up kee--ny--*COUGH*.. T-time.."

I chose the wrong day to be sick AND lose my voice.
fairfield/armijo saturday. first performance at armijo was hella dope. everyone was so confident in that show that after, we were all hella hyped up and .. ugh i can't even put it in words. haha just .. crazy! everything went good then, except for.. yes, you guessed it.. set up time! way to go for a 1 1/2 minute over=3pt + penalty! yay. next was fairfield, i hella hypothesized that we weren't going to feel the music like the first performance, and we didn't as much. but it was still there. but let me give you a rundown of the fairfield one.

fairfield: oh man oh man. so we set up the floor and i go to the back backdrop like usual. saw that the set up was being hella slow AGAIN. and i didn't wanna risk another penalty by waiting for them. so i put on some balls and went out there and said my damn line. no one even heard it in the battery and i was thinking that if i yelled it my voice would have cracked hahaha. oh man that sucked. and i didn't even act out the part. stupid announcer guy hella rushed eveything "is your drumline ready?" well obviously not since the rhythm section was still tryna put shit together. but whatever. did the show, and it felt worse then the other one. but i dunno. at the end, we got a :30 second+ penalty. eh not that bad, if i waited it woulda been like more than a minute actually cuz rhythm was still setting up through movement 1. GAY!

watch drumline shows/guard shows. yadayada. got ditched by regine and marvin. :( and just watched some more. so 8:00 comes and christian comes back from armijo awards. hella mad cuz we got 5th and we all new that was like a first place performance. big jordan said that our second performance was better and i was like "siiiike...!"

fairfield awards at 9:30. fairfield did the usual "give these flowers to your instructor/band director." neither were there for us and jordan ended up giving me the flowers by default but everyone saw it as an "AWWWW" moment. lol. anyways, back on to the awards. finally at the end "drumline open division" 5th.. not us.. 4th not us... 3rd not us.. 2nd....................

tie with bethel/vallejo! yay. 1st place was benicia.

so we talk to the instructors afterwards. our scores were 85.0 i think and benicia was 85.4 or something. i dont know but it was tenths of points away. and we were all thinking "OMG HOW MUCH WAS OUR PENALTY" and we found out that iwas a 2POINT PENALTY and we woulda smoked em without the damn penaltys with a 87.0. DAMN my bad. haha, i didn't think it was that good of a performance anyways but i was glad at how good we can be and that we actually ahve a chance at champs this year :)

check out our vallejo show this weekend. 1: something. 1st place, here we come

Teeter-Totter

so like, i'm finally home for once and stayed at home the longest since forever! i came home straight after school, and it felt so good to be home like.. during the sunlight or whatever. usually i'm hardly home, whether it's drumline (majority of my freakin' life!), studying at the library, or just hanging out with my friends. it's hard to balance my life with all this crap. Ugh, that's the downside to winter season, but hey.. the show's aiite.

School: same-o, same-o, nothing new. just waiting for something interesting to happen.

Drumline: Dramarama last week, but don't wanna talk about it. What's in the past is the past and just bringing it up would just make me sad :( haha.

CCGC DEL MAR: went all the way to san jose for this one. had a cruddy show, as usual. messed up my intro. had HELLA bad feedback from the mics, which was distracting for the audience. howeevver, when we practiced after.. it was actually fun. it was productive. i dont' really know what was different about that night we ensembled/sectioned, but damn, i wassss FEELIN the music tho. haha. btw, we got third outta four. but i'm not trippin' cuz we are gonna bring it this saturday doee at FAIRFIELD/ARMIJO! you should go :)

Family: grandpa's 83rd birthday this friday. damn, hellaaaa old:)

so today, did hella work around house, and felt good about myself cuz i actually got shit done. and i even have time to blog today. but yeah, i have a major ap chem test tomorrow so i should start studying.

BYE WORLD.

I'M PREGNANT.

---said my dog, Bella.
wow, she is only like almost 2 years old in june, and she got prego by my other dog bandit who's only like 9 months old! WTF. so like if anyone has ever had a prego dog before, got any tips or whatever?? she's like a month into her pregnancy, and i checked her belly yesterday and today it's hella bigger, so it's for sure. she's due in like the end of March. ANYONE? i'm excited and scared at the same time, haha wish her luck as a first time mama.

Winter Wonderland

SKI TRIP WED. 2/18/09 & JORDANS 17TH BIRTHDAY!
happy belated to jordan! haha, so we went to the ski trip with ms. hill's and got to school at like 6:15am and left at 6:30. ms. hill told us that it woulda been like 3 hours, but friggin traffic and shiet and putting on the chains and taken em off took like an extra 2 hours. so we got there at 11:30, 2 hours late that was wasted. BOOO. so it was me, jordan, brandon, james, christa, justin, and maria who went up. did the first run, and then we all split up into friggin 2's or whatever. haha. but i heard that everyone started with a group, and all split up. crazy though. and then i took some videos that i'll post up later when i get home onto youtube. cracccckin tho cuz i got hella better. haha, aww man that story with my board... you don't wanna know cuz its a longaasss story. so we left at 3:30 and we came home at around 7:30 cuz we stopped by mcdonalds. THE END :) and jordan came over after to open his gifts: north face jacket, stussy shirt, and 3 month xbox live = a spoiled ass boyfriend.

I've got sunshine..... Wait, no I dont!

RODRIGUEZ 2/14/09
first ncba comp. not that bad but not too good either. i can't act for crud and it sucks. haha. got to rodriguez and it started to rain like a mofunna. :( boo to that. watched springstowne at 10:10, and tried to restring reggie's marimba like a minute before they performed and didn't make it. so we watched them, and it took until like 10:30 for some reason even though they have a 2 minute show. wth. haha, next thing you know it was like 10:50 and we're all trying to change since we perform at 11:10. got to warm up at 11:05, and performed at like 11:20 cuz we wanted to do full runs of the show. stressin' out cuz i was forgetting my new lines so i had to repeat it fifty million times before i performed. ugggh. kk, but the show wasn't that bad. better communication with battery though, thass fosure, but not enough. anywhoooo, jordan had his drum major thing at like 1:05 and i got there at exactly 1:03 and he was already done, even when i friggin ran. i was so mad. but i was sure that he did good. awards come, and we tied first with fairfield. instructors gave us that speech of "incomplete show" again. haha. 'saall good. waited till 4:30 for jordan's drum major awards, and blown away when i heard he won 2nd out of like 10-12 people. yayuh. went home with surprise roses from jordan at his house. eh i think that's pretty much it. hah, happy belated v-day!

Wake up, KENNY!

first comp for 08-09. AMADOR VALLEY.
arrived at bethel around 9:10am. kinda mad cuz from what I HEARD on thursday, i didn't know we were wearing white t-shirts, so i drove regine to her house to pick up some. and also kinda mad cuz we were mostly there so instructors could fix heads and stuff, and we all could've gotten an extra hour of sleep. boo. but i guess it's all good. um, left at around 10:45 and me, marvin, regine, rode with marcus to pleasanton and watched wanted. it was pretty dope, i thought i would start feeling sick in the car cuz when i was younger and watched movies in the car i'd get hella dizzy but i didn't :). go to the school, and warmed up. THANKS CALVIN & LIVE OAK for letting us borrow 2 bigoss marimbas. so we played with battery and we got a good audience. instructors say that we always "turn it on" when people are watching. started getting kinda frustrated cuz the music was shitty for thizz dance, and instructors keep saying pit's wrong, and then when we fix it, they say it's still wrong. ugh, omg. but i guess we fixed it (for now at least). music was not clean, and there was no connection between battery and pit, both in performance and warm-up. so we head out into the gym. nervous as heo cuz of my thing in the beginning, ugh what was embarrasing was the floor wasn't folded front to back, it was side to side so we had to turn it. and i was supposed to say the lines during "is your drumline ready?" but we weren't ready enough to have me go up and do that.. so waited for the "you may now take the floor in competition." had individual mistakes, but who didn't? it was pretty evident from a bystander's point of view of what we need to fix visually, and musically. which sucks. haha. so instructors gave us an inspirational talk after performance and awards (2nd/2 with a 58.somethin). "just clean it up.. more control.. unfinished show... musiciality.. dynamics.. drill.." yeah yeah.

i'm excited a little for rodriguez. but it sucks cuz i wanna see vallejo's show too and all the other school's in our division so i can see what we're up against.

k, that's it for now. happy almost anniversary for tomorrrrow. :)

HIP HIP HOORA-- wtf...

LIFE IS SO BORING RIGHT NOW. well except for the secret juiciness :) but uh, yeah nothing new to blog about. first drumline comp next saturday. uh, oh yeah...

going on a ski trip for jordan's birthday. actually, ON his birthday. convinced him to go but it was too late and there was no more room to go :( sad. but i'll try to make it up to him somehow.

blog later, bye bye

WAKE UP AND SMELL THE ROSES

So hey guys! sorry i haven't been keeping you guys updated with my life (not like it's any interesting enough to read about anyways, lol) but i've beeen reaaaaaly busy lately. i'll give you a rundown but i'll embellish on them probably later when i upload the pictures

1. James surprise birthday last Friday
2. Maria's birthday party on Saturday
3. Maria's surprise birthday @ Matsuri's last night
4. Snow trip/Reno w/ Regine and Marvin

woot. i'll talk about those later, but on another note..

i've been learning a lot about people like seriously. when you hear the saying "don't judge a book by it's cover", trust me. i've tested that on so many things these past few weeks, and the saying stays true. such as judging a person just by their appearance (she looks hella mean and ghetto, when she's freakin' down-to-earth), etc. just hella much. even couples, like you think everything's hella gravy and shit, but foreaaal, they're hurting in the inside.

also, i also find it hard to believe as to how stupid some girls are, and probably people in general, treat their loved ones like toys. it's like, they can just take advantage of people's feelings just so they can feel good about themselves. or in relationships, that shit's not supposed to be like that. i know a few people who just keep their boyfriend/girlfriend on a fuckin 2-inch leash, some even with 2 leashes for two different guys. i just find it so stupid that some people are so selfish. not only that but also to the "dogs" on the end for even keeping up with that shit. c'mon now, it's so obvious they've got you tied in their little spider web. you don't deserve that shit (well some of you maybe do), but it's not worth being in a relationship if your the one wearing the tidey whities, and they're wearing the fuckin' overalls and whip. WAKE UP ALREADY AND SMELL THE GODDAMN ROSES. and to the people who are fully conscious of being on that leash, wow you're just stupid and wasting your time and i hope you have some dignity and pride in you, puhhlease. and i hope karma comes right back and bites those stupid bietches in the ass.

people need to start doing something about their lives. you're only a teenager once. you're only a junior, senior, freshman, whatever once. LIVE YOUR LIFE TO THE FULLEST and don't hold yourself back. broaden your horizons, options, whatever, just don't spend you're last [whatevers] as a KFC chicken cramped into a small ass cage before your too stuck and DEAD into your "loved one's" stupid asssss trap.

i'm just ranting right now, and i know it's not any of my business, and it's their relationship. but c'mon now, people really need to wake up.